As we approach Purim at the end of the month, we want to share with you a few jokes from one of our own collections: The Bikur Cholim Joke Book (free download).
WHO NEEDS A HEARING AID?
A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?"
He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again.
Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer.
Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for supper?"
She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"
Three turtles decide to have a picnic in Central Park. They load up their basket with pickles, cookies, sandwiches, those fancy Laura Ashley napkins, etc., etc. They discover that they have forgotten the mustard. So they start arguing over who will have to go back to get the mustard.
The big turtle and the medium turtle eventually persuade the little turtle that he has to be the one to back and get the mustard. OK, the little turtle says, I'll go, but only on condition that you don't eat the sandwiches before I get back. Fine, fine, the big turtles promise.
An hour goes by, two hours, three hours and finally the sun sets. A day goes by, two days, three days, a week, a month, a year, two years, ten years (drag this out as long as you dare.) A million years go by. Galaxies are born, explode and die, the Pleistecene Era comes and goes. A very long time comes and goes.
Finally the big turtle says to the medium turtle, "Well, he's been gone a long time, do you think we should eat the sandwiches?" And with that, the little turtle jumps out from behind a rock, and says: "Aha! Then I'm not going!"
These "Spirituality Notes" are excerpts from our monthly E-newsletter. Articles are © JBFCS Rita J. Kaplan Jewish Connections Programs and may be reprinted free of charge as long as this credit line is included.